So Long, Madiun!

Terima kasih jalan Kawis 24 dan geng marathon The Haunting of Hill House atas 1 minggu penuh bahagia (dan GERD) ini! Semoga sukses semua dan bahagia semua, insyaAllah kita bisa belajar menjadi dokter Rahmatan Lil’ Alamin selama proses pendidikan profesi ini dan nanti bisa menjadi penyembuh umat. Semoga sehat, kuat, sabar dan tambah sholehah semuanya ya!

Sincerely,

Hadu, belum apa-apa sudah rindu. Mwah!

The Gem of Malioboro Street

I used to pray in the basement of Malioboro Mall (most of the time) or the mosque near Inna Garuda Hotel whenever I visited the famous Malioboro Street of Yogyakarta. The prayer room in Malioboro Mall was not my cup of tea since it’s located in the basement, it felt hot and it can only contain few people. To my surprise, my beloved friend Tikya lead us to pray in this mosque after our visit to the Presidential Palace.

I was stunned! Never have I ever thought of Malioboro for having this hidden gem. A nice, comfortable, beautiful mosque! Tikya explained that this mosque is a grant from the former major of Jogja, Mr. Herry Zudiyanto and his siblings, Mrs. Ellys Yudhianti, and Mr. Rudi Sastyawan to remember their mother, hence the name Siti Djirzanah mosque

The interior was covered in blue granites. The building is fully air-conditioned, the lighting makes the room bigger; the mosque is indeed a beauty! The toilets are so clean, the ablution chambers are clean and they have white stones beneath; pretty! The guests are also given canvas bag to store their shoes and can later put the bag in the shoe rack inside the prayer room for safety; the canvas bag should be returned afterward.

The existence of this mosque in the crowded, full of shopping alternatives, Malioboro Street, gives us the comfort of performing prayer with ease. The mosque is a refreshment to the eye and the soul. Another one to add to my list of Things I’ll Miss from Jogja. Such a beauty, this mosque. I hope this building can help remind people of their sole purpose in this earth and may the builders, the caretakers and the owners of this mosque are given rewards by Allah.

I’ll See You Again, Mba Anis!

2018 is the year of See You Again. My best-friends have left the city and eventually, I will soon too. Yesterday, mba Anis departed back to her hometown… I tried not to shed any tear because parting has already suck and to cry in public place has its own inconvenience. I don’t like inconveniences.

Mba Anis and I lived in the same rented-rooms building (in Indonesia we called it Kost) and have been best friends since 2016. She and Vivid (2nd from the left) had frequently visited me in my room during The Dark Hours. They usually visited me at night because that was the time when I’d be very… unstable and very sad. Mba Anis, who studied psychology, knows how to talk things through with me (Vivid (studied International Relations) also knows how).

It’s sad that Mba Anis will not be able to attend Vivid’s and my graduation ceremony this month because by that time she’ll already be in the comfort of her home and has to prepare for her wedding. It’s even sadder that I will not be able to attend her wedding because its presumed that I’ll already be in the hospital for my first week of clinical clerkship. On the other hand, I felt honored, actually. On June, mba Anis told me about the plan and how she met her future husband. God’s plan is indeed beautiful and so magical… I can’t even begin to describe the feeling, and it’s not my wedding yet, but the feeling… amazing! I wish and prayed for all the best and great things for this couple from this day on until forever, Allah knows how beautiful mba Anis’ soul is and she deserves all the good things in this world and in the afterlife.

In the meantime, I make myself strong by telling my heart that the separation will not hamper our friendship. It’ll strengthen it. The friendship may be more expensive now that we have to cross the sea to meet one another but that’s okay. You make sacrifices for the ones you love! I’ll see you again, mba Anis sayang. Take care, my sister, I’m missing you so much already!

A Long Overdue Staycation!

On 2016, Inov, Naela, Tika and I first had our “slumber party and staycation” in The Alana Yogyakarta. It wasn’t actually a staycation, we were there to compete in a Model United Nations conference held by Universitas Gadjah Mada. After the event, we made a promise to do another staycation.

Fast forward 2 years later, the plan finally executed. This time we’re not full team, though. Tika is away in Norway for a student exchange, that leaves only Inov, Naela and I. This wasn’t thoroughly planned, actually. Naela contacted me last week and we booked the hotel right away after corresponded via WhatsApp.

We decided to stay in Yats Colony in Wirobradjan. The check-in time is 2 PM but before that, we had breakfast in my favorite restaurant. We then went to Gembira Loka Zoo since this is my last year in Jogja and I haven’t visited it, not even once. We hoped for the day to be a little gloomy so that it’d be nice to our skin, but it was hot today and we only stayed in the zoo for about an hour.

The entrance ticket is IDR 25.000 and an IDR 5.000 parking fee. We saw donkeys, took photos with a very nice and happy looking elephant, saw some orang-utans and chimpanzee.

We then went to see the birds and took some photos with the falcon and the parrot. We then checked in at the hotel at around 1 PM (it was okay actually, for an early check-in). The hotel we’re staying is so artsy, nice, and clean (unfortunately we forgot to take photos of the room before we smashed the place with our belongings). We spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the bed, I ordered a smoothies bowl and then Inov did our make-ups (Naela and I). After Maghrib, we decided to go out for dinner and we went to ViaVia in Prawirotaman (this place was recommended by my friend from Opposite Coffee and ViaVia was actually used as the shooting place of AADC 2 (2016), a sequel to the famous romantic movie Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (AADC) (2002)). ViaVia was a quite nice place, they have varieties of menus from Indonesian cuisines to Western cuisines to vegetarian menus. The bakery also sells types of cakes and bread. It really is worth the visit.

We’re back at the hotel at around 10 PM and took turns preparing for bed. I have just taken a shower and it’s 22 minutes past midnight now and I think I better get some sleep. To wrap up the day; I’m very happy! I guess you can see the happiness radiate from my smiles. I wish you all a great day and a happy life, too, people!

Acknowledgments (Extended Version)

I would like to thank God, Allah SWT for His every blessing and for letting me finish this work, for every day I wake up healthy and find easiness in things I do. None of this can be achieved without Your permission. I’m grateful for Prophet Muhammad SAW, who led us from the dark of times to the light of Islam, a religion so beautiful and perfect. الْحَمْدُ للَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِيْن.

Secondly, I would like to pour my love and gratitude to my ever-loving and generous parents, papa M. Syuja Tuanaya & mama Rahmawati Jongken. Your prayers, I believe, were the ones that made things easy for me. Thank you for providing me with love, supporting my emotional and all financial needs throughout the years I studied undergraduate degree. Without you, I don’t think I will ever gonna make it. This bachelor thesis is presented for you.

I thank the big family of Opa Thahir Tuanaya; Oma Umi Salamah Latuconsina whose phone calls are always the one I long for, the hand-written letters containing prayers, and the never-ending love and support for each and every one of us in the family. Papa Han Tuanaya (and Tante Yuli, Fariz and Aji), for the love, the prayers, support, and the ability to put my anxiety to rest. Tante Heni Tuanaya, for the love, the reminders in WhatsApp, and for always teaching me to be brave, setting the great example of a true Women Power and to have a big heart.  Papa Oni Tuanaya (and Raffi and Kintan) for the love, for teaching me to take things easy, be nice to all people, and play a big role in shaping my dream to be a globetrotter. Papa Ferry (and Tante Aja, Kk Rabie, Rhid and Najwan) for the love, knowing how to calm me down and the long phone calls discussing my early childhood and the prayers.

I thank the big family of Kong Lukman Jongken; Ibu R. Latuconsina. Kong, who only in rare occasions would call but always believe in me and my ability to become a medical doctor. Bunda Niniek Jongken (and Ci Phea, Ci Nidar, Ci Raissa, Ci Dhea and Erin) for the love, prayers, and Facebook comments; I miss you lots! Mami Emi Jongken (and Ci Ajeng, Tintan and Nabil) thank you for the dear support, love, and for being so thoughtful and brought me a birthday cake from home to Jogja on my birthday. Mom Ivan Jongken (and Tante Ida, Zidane, Achi, Dhafi, and Dhifi) for the love and support.

I would like to thank dr. Rahma Yuantari, M.Sc., Sp.PK; my thesis supervisor, for the guidance and time made for me during the writing of this thesis. The inputs, suggestions, and enthusiasm to craft this thesis were what made this thesis possible. Thank you for lifting up my spirit to continue the journey, to achieve my dream to be a great medical doctor, and the advice about my anxiety. I would also like to thank dr. Linda Rosita, M.Kes., Sp.PK as my thesis examiner for the inputs, suggestions, and the time allocated for perfecting this writing, and as the dean of Faculty of Medicine who has helped me in many other occasions. My academic supervisor dr. Sufi Desrini, M.Sc for the support and the spirit, you’re among many doctors who inspired me to travel the world and contribute more to science. All the doctors in the Faculty of Medicine, Universitas Islam Indonesia; for all the lessons and guidance, thank you.

I also thank the people in dr. Soedirman Hospital in Kebumen for helping me with the data needed to conduct this research. Pak Wawan and Mas Bekti for without your help it would take weeks to get the right medical records. Thank you. I thank the people in Faculty of Medicine Universitas Islam Indonesia, who made it possible for me to graduate, for all their kindness; Mbak Nita, Mbak Heni, Ibu Antari, Ibu Nur, Ibu Marni, Pak Win, Pak Sus, Pak Ahsan, Pak Yanto, Pak Udin, the photocopy team under the stairs, the nice cleaning service team, and all other people whose name was not mentioned here. Thank you.

My crazy best friends; Eka D. Adam, Tri Inov Haripa, Ramadhantika R. Tuasikal, Naela Nabila; for always understanding my every situation, for being there whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, for listening to my worries and for being a good people in general. I’m grateful to have you all (direct and virtual) when my life was taking a very unpleasant downhill turn and when I acted crazy and unstable. Thank you for your understanding. I can’t begin to describe how nice it is to have someone who understands. I’m forever grateful for you people.

My hotline bling; Verlita Utami and Wahyu C. Utomo; the twins. Thank you for providing me insights about life in general and as student doctors. For the late-night meals, ice creams, and conversations. For calming me down when my words were storming out of my mouth like a hurricane when I’m so uncertain about what to do and what to feel and for knowing how to have fun. I miss you guys all the time and I’m grateful to have you as best friends.

My Tiroksin sisters; Ratna A. Fairuz, Astri A. Utomo, Tita R. Dewinta, D. Ulfa Thalita, Indah N. Santi; Thank you mbak Iyuz and Dita for the roof you provided during my stay in Kebumen, for helping me with the data and always ready to listen to my whatever day-report. Tita for your never ending support and a roof above my head in Jl. Bantul km 5, for agreeing to “share” your mom as my mama piara. Ulfa for the shared struggle together towards the end of bachelor degree, for staying at my place when my anxiety was kicking in like crazy and for calming me down. Iin for our witty conversations and prayers I believe we always sent but never tell one another. I love you guys. Thank you. My Tiroksin brothers; Bryan S. Saputra, Widya K. C. P, Yusa M. Thoriq, Helmi Zunan; thank you for lifting my spirit up whenever we met and for the horror stories that scare most of us, you guys rock!

My Jogja Family, Tante Hanifah Tuasikal, Alm. Om Edi Latuconsina, mbak Mira Latuconsina, mbak Dany Latuconsina, mbak Uci Latuconsina; thank you for the home you give to me. I know I can always go to your place whenever I like it because it is home, because you all care about me so much and I you. Thank you for the foods on the table, the ears that listen, all the good advice on praying and staying calm. Pangukan is the truest form of home in Jogja! Also a sincere thank you to Om Syarif Tuasikal, mama Nur Tuanaya, abang Afit Tuasikal and Opi Tuanaya who have the magical ability to make me be blatantly honest about my inner wars and for listening even though mostly via phone calls. I thank you all for being there.

My best friends from Kimpulan 2; mbak Noni Rizka, Vivid H. Ummahat, mbak Anisa D. Arifani, Sausan Mizhari; for our fruitful discussions, shared experience and dear affection towards each other’s well being. Thank you for being there!

My Eat Good Food ladies; Wintang Tanaya and Prita M. Yadanta; Thank you for the insights about cooking good food, for giving me so much help, and for the assurance that what is yours is yours and it will come at the right time. Also, thank you to Desti A. Lestari, my SG-KL travel mate for setting the example that you can never go wrong with good people and for showing me that whenever there is will, there is a way.

My BIJS; Kartikya I. Utami, Retyan S. Nurani, Wahid Rahman; for having the same favorite trip to look back to, thank you for all the movie reviews, amazing music recommendations and out talks about places, things, people, books and other things. To Tikya, especially, alhamdulillah we can graduate together just like what we planned on doing. To Rey and mas Wahid, s e m a n g a t, I’ll see you all on top!

My Turgo family; Ibuk Retno, Bapak Takdir, Ibunda, Rindu and Uze; for the never-ending prayers and for making me better in being grateful. I thank you for always taking me in whenever I need you people, for cooking things I wish to eat and always checking up on me when I was caught up in my balloon of anxiety. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, to fellow classmates; Abiyyu, Abrar, Adel, Adelina, Adit, Agil, Aguf, Aim, Ainun, Alfu, Alin, Alvin, Amel, Amir, Amnaz, Angga, Anggit, Anggun, Anna, Atok, Baitika, Bayu, Bela, Bellinda, Candra, Canggih, Cindy, Citra, Cong, Dani, Devina, Dhani, Dian, Dinar, Dwi, Elita, Ella, Esna, Fadhel, Faishal, Fajar, Fanana, Farida, Farin, Fhaliq, Fifa, Fina, Firman, Fishella, Fito, Hani, Haryo, Heldy, Hemas, Iis, Ika, Inayatul, Ines, Inna, Intan, Izan, Jo, Leny, Liya, Lulu, Macfudz, Mada, Mandy, mbak Filzah, mbak Mala, Mira, Muri, Nada, Nadia, Nana, Naomi, Nastiti, Naufal, Nia, Nisa, Olif, Ombre (Cermin), Pandhu, Putri, Rahman, Rani, Raras, Razty, Rey, Ridho, Rika, Riza, Rosa, Sasa, Satrio, Biman, Sella, Septa, Sidi, Sifa, Siti, Tania, Tedo, Teguh, Tessa, Tri, Tya, Ulan, Ulin, Urani, Wildan, Winda, Yayas, Yoanda, Yoka, Yovie, Yudo, Yumna, Yuris, Zahra, Zara, Zenitha, Zensa, Zhafir, Zul.

Thank you to all people who prayed silently for the succession of this bachelor thesis writing and for me as an individual. I wish us all happiness in this dunya and in the hereafter. Aaamiinn.

We’ll Carry On

Meet Nazhifah Junia, a newly official bachelor of medicine. After months of conceiving The Undergraduate Thesis, I finally gave birth to it on October 15th, 2018. My “thesis pregnancy” journey, of course, wasn’t a common one, but then again so is everybody else’s. Each one of us has our own story of conceiving, nurturing and delivering our biggest academic writing yet.

Undergraduate thesis or what my faculty called Karya Tulis Ilmiah or scientific paper is a compulsory document needed if you want to graduate. It amounts to 3 credits (I know, only three, but that’s okay?) and has an expiration date of one year, but can still subject to renewal if you have already presented the first three chapters in proposal seminar, often called sempro.

I first registered my bachelor thesis title under the Department of Pediatrics in October 2016 but was canceled due to an unavailable slot (I did not know then, my ex-supervisor did not know then, it was a late information, really). I then registered a new title under the Department of Clinical Pathology, after helping my then future thesis supervisor and examiner’s research. The title, The Difference of Lipid Profile in Coronary Heart Disease Patients with Diabetes Mellitus and Without Diabetes Mellitus in Dr Soedirman Hospital Kebumen was registered on July 2017. I did my sempro in December 2017, I know, what a long gap, six months, really? I was just caught up in doing other things that were seen as very important then.

After my proposal seminar and its revisions, on February 2018 I submitted my proposal to the Ethics committee, I had to wait for my research’s ethical clearance which turned out took almost 4 months to be published. These four agonizing months of waiting were filled with academic exams, more academic exams, and more life exams, like tuning out my anxiety, coping with unmet needs and other things. In early June, finally, I could propose my research purpose to the hospital I wanted to perform the research about. This marked my first road trip to another city.

I was finally able to do sample-taking in July 2018. I learned to trust and to not trust some people. I also learned to befriended hard work and weariness. I spent the days in Kebumen in my best friend’s place, that being said I had to follow her routine (even though sometimes she left the house very early and I woke up an hour or two after). The realization of what would come after me in life became crystal clear: clinical clerkship is a collection of never-ending learning, consoling people and make peace with yourself. A real manifestation of what my life will be in the future as a medical doctor.

Mid-July 2018 was in itself a test for me. I fell sick and had to be hospitalized, which also meant a pause in my thesis making. A time away from my thesis pregnancy. In this time, the heartache, or should I say, the broken heart finally made its way to me. The somewhat world-shattering experience. I managed to get through, though, but like any other wounds, the healing needs time and some often ended up as scars. That’s unbelievably inconvenient, I have to admit, but that is a part of living.

August and early September went by so fast, my thesis was done but was once again faced with another challenge. I was torn in two: make an effort and waiting for a response. The long-awaited response finally came on a Friday. My parents’ prayers manifested. I was scheduled to have my bachelor thesis defense on Monday. It doesn’t stop there, of course. The real struggle came after.

I had to somehow manage to get done what to me seemed to be vague wishes and faced with uncertainties. Only my closest ones and the people who actually saw me in campus who know my real form during this time of life. I was messy. Hopeful but messy. Hopeful but afraid. During this time I also realized that there was nothing I could’ve done but pray. My prayers’, my parents’ prayers’, my best friends’ prayers, my family’s prayers’ all manifested, I was okay and will always be okay, InshaAllah.

Again, I must say, everybody else must’ve had problems too with their thesis pregnancy and I’m just so glad that my bachelor one’s now officially done. The whole experience has taught me a lot about life, people and myself. This is not the time to remember what has passed, it’s time to prepare myself for the future challenges life has prepared for me.

We’ll carry on. I’ll carry on. This is the start of beautiful new beginnings!

August 31st

Happy 22nd wedding anniversary to Papa and Mama, the only pair that cares more about my well-being than I often am.

I’m sorry I haven’t been home this year, I apologize for my selfish decision. Thank you for your understanding, though, and for come visiting me. This year must be tough for you guys too, yet you managed to, again and again, put me first.

It must be hard being the parents of a usually-unhappy person like myself, but you guys stayed, not because you have no other choice, but because you’re happy with my presence. You long for my chatty, long hours, crying my heart out on the phone. You enjoy my company. Thank you for staying because you love me. I cannot wait to make you happy now and later on when I’m successful both in this world and in the hereafter.

اَمِين يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِيْن

Friendship and Farewell

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

– Elizabeth Foley


Its the time in life again; separation. This time, my most beloved friends from medical school are moving to Madiun and Wonogiri. Mixed emotions. Joy and sadness. When will we meet again?

I think one way or another, the friends I made during my journey in medical school have passed Aristotle’s three kinds of friendships. Friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of the good. Most being friendships of utility (because apparently, you couldn’t survive medical school without being helpful to others and take the time to use a helping hand and some extra learning hours from your smarter and kinder friends) and friendships of the good. Minding you that all people featured in this post are all my friends of the good. We shared mostly similar values, goals, dreams, and admirations towards one another.

Friendships are unique, don’t you think? You meet someone, you spent some time getting to know them, you found similarities, you found un-similarities and then you found yourself already caught up in between having fun and sharing your deepest dark secrets and eating ice cream together. Some friendships were made without you knowingly making them, like passing each other in the campus’ corridors, saying hi! and then you found yourself often having lunch together and got this feeling in your guts that this is someone I can trust and rely on. Some friendships often start with hardships, you found yourself in the mud of sadness and anxiety, with assignments falling like raindrops from here and there, a swimming pool full of exams and theories to master; another, someone, was also in the same mud and showered with the same rain and a member of the same swimming pool club. A once upon stranger befriended each other and found themselves surviving the same storms; growing together, becoming the better them. Friendships, friends are unique. The uniqueness I love having and sharing.

Then come along new tests, are you really a worthy friend? are your survival skill can overcome the storms of being distanced and away? are you going to always be there when needed and when not?

 The separation. 

There are separations that you know deep down is temporary and the are separations that you know is full-time and not gaining it back. It; being coming back together. These friendships with these friends that I have is definitely the first one. This separation is temporary. Being the generation that we are, I’m grateful for the technologies that have advanced so greatly that you can sense people who are far away as if they are near. One call away people, I want to label them, are always ready to respond to my whatever messages and phone calls. The type that doesn’t make you wait in anxiety; people who understand. As a friend, I’m trying to play my part really well in responding to their emergencies and un-emergencies. We all know that not being responded is the root of all heartaches and trust-declines, so let’s not let these people with beautiful hearts down.

Kebumen, Wonogiri, and Madiun sure are far, our bodies sure are apart, but our prayers and moral supports will always accompany each other. That way I know, our friendships will surpass whatever hardships and storms coming our way. And no, this separation is not us saying goodbye, this is not a farewell! Have faith and study hard, doctors! I’ll see you soon and bring Jogja to you.

Too bad I don’t have all the photos of my special people with me but these ones alone. But then again, that’s the beauty of my friendships with people that I love and hold dear in medical school; we don’t need photographs to explain the bond we have to each other. I love you, good people!


The Hotline Bling

“Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone”

– Drake


One had just finished his first clerkship rotation exam, one has just about to start her clerkship programme, one has just about to finish her undergraduate degree. The dynamics of our friendship does not end there, it has only just begun.

What constitutes a great friendship? Is it the frequency of meeting each other? For having a shared interest? Or having the same dark fears and struggles in life? It is trust and understanding.

These two future doctors are among the few beautiful human beings I have the luck to meet in Jogja. CU is currently doing his clerkship in Kebumen, Verlita will soon follow in Madiun and me, eventually, will follow later this year insyaAllah in Madiun as well. The three of us met in 2014, got sorted into the same discussion group in 2015 and clicked with each other right away. We went out almost every night to eat and just tell each other stories and listening to each other. Regardless of our personalities’ differences, they hear me, I hear them. They understand. With some people, you can talk and try sharing things that punch you in the heart but they don’t usually listen to you, let alone understand. They can pretend, of course, but deep down you know they don’t really care.

The Hotline Bling, we call ourselves, haven’t had a proper dinner since early this year; CU is in town so Verlita and he decided to come to pick me up and go out to eat. Today is actually the first day I went out since being discharged from the hospital. It was nice, we went to my favourite restaurant (CU decided to compromised his longing for Japanese foods and comply with my craving for western ones, Verlita was good with both options). I opted to dress in a long-sleeves black T-Shirt and topped it with a black midi short-sleeves dress with slit, grey trousers, houndstooth scarves and black wedges (forgot to take full body picture). Coincidentally, the two of them were also dressed in dark outfits, Verlita in her navy blouse and CU in his black polo shirt topped with a navy sweater (we forgot to take a proper picture, only selfies).


The 3-hour long dinner was filled with updates on each other lives, we were surprised with how things happened and how we faced it, how each of us overcame our problems. We discussed a lot of things, medicine and life-related. I like it with them that they do not push me or trying to correct me on doing things that I did, or how I responded to those things. They listened and nodded and I knew they understand. Isn’t it lovely, to have someone to truly listen to you? These two were brutally honest too, so I don’t see why not let the words flow and see how they react, so yes, we’re very honest. Boy, they let their words flow, too! If our dinner table was a bowl that could fill up with words, it would surely overflow.

The discussion led us to several conclusions, but the one I remember the most is: adapting and keeping yourself well-tempered regardless of what situation life puts you in is how you win. Since the number of stressors we face as medical students is already mountain-high, how we behave ourselves to our co-workers and people around us (family, friends, significant someone, the patients, people you meet at campus and hospital) have to always be good, even though it’s difficult sometimes to maintain such attitude. They also said that it does not matter how smart you are, if your attitude sucks, it will not take you anywhere, and that’s true. It is also a sign of maturity, being the bigger person. When you function only based on your good-moods, bad-moods, let’s just count on how many people you’re going to lose, even people who love you must be tired to watch such pattern of behaviour habitually and have to always put up with such grisly way of running a life. You lose people not because you don’t pay enough attention to them, you lose people because you only focus on what suits you best.


In the end, I thank you for sharing your thoughts, taking the time to listen carefully and not judging what each other said, to nurture each other, for having great taste in music and always in the mood for food! We’re going to be the best version of ourselves during our study and great doctors in the future insyaAllah. I’m happy and full and I left a chocolate bar in the car because I love you guys!

Slaves

In the 1800s in Rio de Janeiro, there was such a high demand from Muslim slaves in Brazil for Arabic Qurans that one bookseller imported over 100 Qurans per year to sell to the local slaves. The slaves would spend years doing extra work to pay for them.

Postingan ini sebenarnya dibuat setelah berdiskusi dengan Putri di Auditorium Kahar Mudzakir hari ini. Jadi, tadi kami bicara tentang our daily struggle to get out of the room and face the world; sesuatu yang mungkin bagi sebagian orang bukan sebuah masalah besar. Kalau anda mengikuti blog saya dulu, saya pernah menulis tentang my battle with GAD; bagaimana isi kepala saya kebanyakan waktu dan apa saja yang mungkin dapat memicu dan mengeksaserbasi kecemasan saya.

Putri dan saya akhirnya mengambil kesimpulan bahwa mungkin, inti dari keadaan kami yang selalu cemas adalah cara Allah untuk membuat kami rely on Him. Ada yang diuji Allah dengan cara mengambil fungsi anggota geraknya, ada yang diuji Allah dengan cara membuat dia kehilangan hartanya, ada yang diuji dengan kekayaannya, sedang kami, Putri dan saya; diuji dengan isi-isi kepala kami sendiri.

Mengerti tugas diciptakan menjadi manusia di muka bumi ini apa dan sadar bahwa saya, anda, kita semua adalah pelayan Allah. We’re all His servants. We’re all His slaves. And that is the most beneficial thing that could ever happen to any of us.

Dalam perjalanan menjadi pelayan ini memang rasanya banyak yang harus dikorbankan, makanya Qolbu ini perlu sering disiram dengan hal-hal yang baik dan orang-orang yang baik. Tulisan ini dibuka dengan ilustrasi zaman dahulu dimana para budak di Brazil rela bekerja lebih lama, lebih banyak hanya untuk membeli sebuah Al-Quran. Kalau mereka memiliki willpower yang begitu kuat untuk mengetahui, mempelajari, mencoba mengerti agama Islam, agama Allah; mengapa saya yang cobaan hidupnya masih sangat cetek ini masih malas untuk belajar? Mengapa masih sulit menjadi sabar?

Usia 20 Tahun Lebih Sedikit

Kalau berbicara tentang waktu, saya tidak begitu berani. Sampai saat ini masih tidak terlalu pintar fisika dan tidak terlalu filosofis. Mungkin mengerti sedikit perbedaan pendapat Aristoteles dan Galileo/Newton dan beberapa rumus yang dipelajari di bangku SMP dan SMA serta menyukai Einstein, jadi saya coba mengutip ini,

Dalam teori relativitas, tak ada waktu mutlak yang unik; tiap individu punya pengukuran waktu sendiri yang bergantung kepada tempat dan cara geraknya.

Usia saya mungkin hampir 21 tahun kalau diukur dengan waktu universal, yang berarti saya sudah hidup di dunia selama kira-kira 6,596e+8 seconds, tapi kalau menggunakan pengukuran saya pribadi, merasa hidup atau pengalaman saya hidup, mungkin bisa lebih atau kurang daripada itu.

Bayi

Manusia lahir ke bumi melalui perantara manusia lain, besih, tanpa noda, tanpa dosa. Pada masa awal kehidupan, sekitar 2-3 minggu awal implantasi blastokista; bakal manusia, fetus, berukuran hampir mikroskopik. Bakal manusia itu kemudian tumbuh, tumbuh hingga mencapai panjang sekitar 53cm pada minggu ke 40.

Hal pertama yang dilakukan manusia-manusia kecil yang dijuluki bayi itu adalah bernafas. Bayi perlu bernafas karena kelahiran berarti terputusnya hubungan plasenta dengan ibu. Ibu; perantara hidup bayi selama kurang lebih 9 bulan itu kini tidak lagi bisa menyokong metabolismenya.  Bayi mulai bernafas ketika terpapar dunia luar, perbedaan suhu mengakibatkan pendinginan kulit kemudian menimbulkan impuls sensorik, biasanya terjadi 1 menit setelah lahir. Ada pula bayi-bayi yang tidak langsung bernafas, tubuhnya progresif menjadi hipoksik, bayi terlihat membiru, dan gasping for air — akhirnya memberikan stimulus pada pusat pernafasan di otak dan biasanya menyebabkan bernafas beberapa menit pasca kelahiran.

Bayi itu kemudian tumbuh, diberi ASI ekslusif bagi yang beruntung dan susu formula bagi yang belum bisa merasakan kenikmatan tersebut. Selama 6 bulan, ayah dan ibu, atau ibu saja, menyusui bayi, memerah air susu untuk si bayi, menyimpan hasil perahan yang telah dilabeli di lemari pendingin, memastikan asupan gizi ibu cukup agar gizi bayi cukup. Pada tahap awal ini, ibu-ibu yang bekerja kemungkinan besar sedang mengambil cuti, lelah pasca persalinan perlahan menghilang tapi lelah-lelah lainnya mulai bermunculan. Ibu lelah tidak tidur cukup karena bayi menangis. Ayah lelah tidak tidur cukup karena ibu lelah bayi menangis. Ibu kelelahan memerah air susu, air susu lelah keluar. Bayi menangis. Tapi lelah ibu, lelah ayah, menghilang saat bayi tertawa. Saat bayi mulai berusaha untuk menyampaikan sesuatu, dengan mulutnya, dengan matanya, dengan anggota geraknya.

Sekarang bayi sudah bisa mendapatkan pendamping ASI. Ibu memilih untuk memasak sendiri. Menu pertama mungkin formula telur, dimasak dengan beras, bayam, minyak, garam dan air; yang setelah masak diblender halus atau disaring halus. Ibu melihat ekspresi bayi, kalau suka, ibu catat, minta ayah ingatkan. Kemudian ibu akan mengenalkan makanan-makanan lain untuk bayi. Ibu dan ayah berdoa agar bayi tidak alergi.

Ibu dan ayah membuat buku tumbuh kembang bayi. Ayah bertugas memotret dan merekam bayi ketika sedang lucu maupun ketika tidak. Ibu mengingatkan ayah besok bayi harus divaksinasi. Ayah mengemudikan mobil, ibu dan bayi duduk di kursi belakang; kata ayah, biar lebih aman. Bayi divaksinasi, ibu yang hampir menangis. Ayah melihat ibu, melihat bayi, menenangkan ibu, tersenyum pada dokter. Bayi sekarang sudah imunisasi lengkap; hepatitis, BCG, polio, DPT, HiB, PCV, rotavirus dan campak. Ibu dan ayah merasa aman. Bayi sehat.

Bayi sekarang berusia satu tahun. Ibu dan ayah senang, membagikan bingkisan dan makanan untuk tetangga, keluarga dan anak-anak di panti asuhan. Bayi masih belum mengerti banyak hal, tapi telah mengerti bahwa ibu adalah ibu dan ayah adalah ayah. Bayi memangil ibu, mamaah, memanggil ayah, dadaah. Ayah bilang, nanti kalau sudah lebih besar baru kita ajarkan untuk memanggil ibu dan ayah. Ayah bercanda, atau mau dipanggil ummi dan walid? Ibu tertawa, kata ibu, dipanggil ayah-ibu, papa-mama, ummi-walid tidak masalah, terserah bayi nanti, yang penting kita baik, bayi baik, bayi sayang.

Bayi, ayah dan ibu kemudian tumbuh bersama. Ayah mengajarkan bayi hal-hal. Ibu mengajarkan bayi hal-hal. Ayah dan ibu mengajarkan bayi kasih sayang. Mereka terus begitu hingga bayi tumbuh menjadi anak, anak tumbuh menjadi remaja, remaja menjadi dewasa. Dewasa kemudian menikahi manusia lain yang baik, menjadi ayah, menjadi ibu, memiliki bayi dan mengajarkan bayi hal-hal, mengajarkan bayi kasih sayang.


Postingan in sebenarnya saya buat karena saya sedang ingin sekali cepat menikah lalu punya anak. Ya, sangat pragmatis sebenarnya, dipikir punya anak gampang apa? Padahal calon suami juga belum punya yang pasti… tapi namanya juga keinginan, kadang suka datang dan menetap semaunya. Ngomong-ngomong soal anak, kalau diberi rezeki sama Allah, saya ingin punya 6 orang, nanti yang perempuan namanya harus dari 4 kata, dan yang laki-laki namanya terdiri dari 3 kata. Kenapa begitu? karena… ada deh, hehehe, rasanya lebih baik saya simpan dulu sampai muncul pembicaraan serius tentang anak dengan suami saya nanti.

Rencana berkeluarga sebenarnya sudah saya masukan di timeline hidup, perkiraan menikah kapan, perkiraan punya anak pertama tahun berapa, anak kedua mengikuti kapan, anak ketiga, anak keempat, anak kelima, anak keenam… Hal-hal lain juga sudah saya masukan di life-plan tersebut. Misalnya, harus menabung berapa banyak tiap bulan biar bisa bayar nikahan sendiri (walaupun in the end of the day, papa mama saya pasti akan kukuh untuk membiayai, atau mungkin keluarga calon suami saya, tapi saya rasa lebih aman untuk punya saving sendiri. Hitung-hitung untuk safety dan misal tidak digunakan bisa dipakai untuk lanjut sekolah atau bayar biaya anak sekolah, or even better, buat investasi lain lah ya, hehehe). Kemudian rencana melanjutkan sekolah, metode mendidik anak, baiknya anak dimasukan ke sekolah mana, saya mau jadi ibu seperti apa, sampai body wash yang akan saya gunakan untuk anak-anak saya dan printilan-printilan lain juga sudah terpikirkan. Yaa, saya memang anaknya suka terlalu dini memikirkan hal-hal menikah. Tapi tetap, bismillah, semoga rencana-rencana saya diridhoi Allah ya… Aaamiinn YRA.

Biasanya, kalau sedang curhat ke mama saya, beliau sering bilang, “sabar dan berdoa.” Jurus jitu sih, dua hal tersebut… Dari sekian banyak hal yang dapat dilakukan, dua langkah sederhana tapi besar ini adalah pantulan iman yang sebenarnya. Iya, sekarang saya hanya bisa sabar dan berdoa… serta menikmati dan mensyukuri hidup! Pekerjaan menunggu akan terasa biasa saja atau bahkan menyenangkan kalau kamu menikmatinya!

*postingan ini diperbarui tanggal 30/08/2018

Melihat Malam Bulan Juni

Bulu matamu, padang ilalang

Teringat masa kecil saat bermain bola di bawah purnama

Di jalan menuju rumah

Bahasa baru

Seribu kunang-kunang di Jakarta

Belajar berenang

Mengurus surat keterangan hilang

Pulang ke dapur Ibu

Hujan turun sepanjang jalan

Ketika jari-jari bunga terbuka

Sepasang sepatu tua

Di beranda waktu hujan

Kupandang kelam yang merapat ke sisi kita

Di restoran

Aku tidak pernah betul-betul pulang

Sepasang matamu

Dalam doaku

Bunga-bunga di halaman

Cahaya bertebaran

Yang fana adalah waktu


Diatas adalah daftar puisi favorit saya dari 3 pujangga kenamaan Indonesia; Sapardi Djoko Damono, Aan Mansyur dan Joko Pinurbo. Kumpulan puisi dari ketiga pujangga diatas yang ada di rak buku saya meliputi; Hujan Bulan Juni, Malam Ini Aku Akan Tidur di Matamu, Tidak Ada New York Hari Ini dan Melihat Api Bekerja.

Saya suka bagaimana sastra bekerja. Bagaimana seseorang bisa menciptakan cerita miliknya sendiri dari sisa-sisa kata orang lain. Dalam hal ini, puisi milik saya diatas, dari judul-judul puisi milik orang lain, saya merangkai cerita saya sendiri.